WASHINGTON--After surprising wins in the Texas, Ohio and Rhode Island primaries in the campaign for the Democratic Presidential nomination, Senator Hilary Clinton has fired her latest campaign manager and picked a new Campaign Director and Deputy Campaign Director. Clinton named Peter Wentz, front man for the pop-music group "Fallout Boy," as the new director of operations for her White House bid. This has come as a major surprise to many Washington insiders as Wentz, a Chicago Native, has publicly endorsed and campaigned for Illinois Senator Barack Obama in his bid for the Presidency. Terry Gilden, the Director for the Center For The Studies Of Stupid Political Moves, told reporters, "I'm certain that Senator Clinton made the change to capitalize on the momentum from her wins on Tuesday and she picked Wentz to try to gain more support among the youth of the nation...Unfortunately, most of the fans of Fallout Boy are 14-year old girls who don't generally vote very much...though many of them voted for Bush in the 2000 elections in Florida." When questioned by reporters on his connection to the Obama campaign, Wentz replied, ‘Well, yeah, I do support Obama but that doesn't mean that I can't work for Hilly (his knick-name for Senator Clinton) too. I mean, she is really cool, man. And that ain't just a show to get young people to vote for her." He continued, "Cause, like, when she wasn't looking I checked out the music she had on her I-pod Nano and there was like, my group's [Fallout Boy] music and stuff from the Plain White T's and My Chemical Romance and Cute Is What We Aim For and even some stuff from screamo bands...that's pretty cool music for an old lady to have on her I-pod." When questioned on whether he thought that there was any conflict of interest for him as an Obama supporter working for Clinton, Wentz replied, "Aw fuck no and Ashley {Simpson, his current mattress and the less-talented sister of the remarkably untalented Jessica Simpson] thinks its pretty cool." He then concluded, "Oh, and by the way, I'm a male model too...that's pretty fucking cool isn't it?" As Wentz excused himself to go masturbate inside of Ashley Simpson in a nearby men‘s room, the reporters turned to Clinton's newly appointed Deputy Assistant Campaign Director, Jessica Simpson, to get her opinion on the current state of the resurgent Clinton campaign. The model, singer and sister to the Wentz mattress Ashley Simpson said, "I've done the dirty deed with Tony Romo...and he's a cowboy or something." Ms. Simpson then giggled and excused herself to go have a private meeting with Senator Clinton's husband and former President Bill Clinton in a nearby women's restroom. In a related story, 23 television and print reporters committed mass suicide today immediately following a Clinton campaign press conference in Washington, D.C.
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Clinton's new campaign manager
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